Cozy? Rustic? Needs TLC?? HUH??

Time for some Friday Fun.

You’ve read 100 property descriptions and seen these industry buzzwords…but what do they mean?

COSY: This one will be on any property under 1,000 square feet. It’s meant to bring warm feelings but can mean: learn to be a pro at creative storage spaces by visiting IKEA.
WELL LOVED: They’ve lived there for 50 years and, unfortunately, haven’t kept up on things …ORRRR…they have receipts for absolutely everything, including the first welcome mat they bought
NEED TLC: Chances are it isn’t tender loving care that is needed. It’s going to need an extremely deep clean and possibly a junk out. Animal control might need to be called as well.
RUSTIC: This will be a charming blend of weathered wood, questionable craftsmanship, and at least one feature that makes you wonder if they actually meant to do that
GREAT BONES: The walls are solid, the foundation hasn’t moved, and the roof is still attached. The rest? Schedule 20 days for inspection.
INVESTOR SPECIAL: See Needs TLC, Great Bones AND Rustic.
BRING YOUR IMAGINATION: You’re going to be floored when you walk in because the floor plan makes no sense, there’s a bathtub in the kitchen, and the bathroom has no shower.
UPDATED: This one can be misleading because some think the roof they installed 10 years ago is still new, or it could actually be factual. Don’t rely on the photos you see - go see it for yourself.
ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES: The sellers had a to-do list of 100 projects they wanted to get done, started 30 of them, finished 7 and decided they didn’t want to do it anymore. It’s now on you to finish up. Or implode them all.

My personal favorites:
MOTIVATED SELLER: Well, of course they’re motivated. The house is listed, right?
PRICED TO SELL: Congrats, Mr or Mrs Listing Broker. We did our job.
WON’T LAST: As the days on market drift over 300. (Dear Listing Brokers - we can update descriptions)
MOUNTAIN VIEW: As long as you press your face against the upstairs window in the northeast corner bedroom